my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
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When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My ass is underappreciated
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He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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