I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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