So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
