carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
