Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
