I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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