so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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