I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize