Can i not drive my cunt home
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
