splinters make it hard to masturbate
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
