how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
