Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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