I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
