don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
