I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
