I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
