you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
