you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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