He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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