Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
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Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
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How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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