I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
