I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
