We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
birth control should be required to get into college
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
