Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
