glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
