i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
