Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
