She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
