Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
