she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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