The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
