I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
