No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
