That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
