broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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