I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
