By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
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Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
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I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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