And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
