I just threw up on my dentist
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
