He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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