Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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