Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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