its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
