So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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