I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
