It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
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Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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