he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
