I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
