is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
