i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
