Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.