Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
