This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
