Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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