so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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