Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just invented taco cereal.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
