Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
