tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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