It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
