I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
