i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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