So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
