Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
