I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
