TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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