yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
