So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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