I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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