I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
