Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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